Life after you
by Karen Winchester
Summary: Set in S5. AU. Even if Dean invited Sam back after his experience in the year 2014, he's not ready to trust and forgive Sam. While working on a case, his "wish" will come true, and he'll live a life where he never made a deal to save Sam after he died in Cold Oak. Will he be able to get out of it before he dies? Will Sam find a way to help him in time? Angry/Guilty/Hurt!Dean
1. Chapter 1

Life after you

 _I'm sorry for everything  
For everything I've done  
From the second that I was born  
Then since I had a loaded gun  
And then I shot, shot, shot a hole  
Through everything I loved_

 **Spnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnpsnspnpsnspnspnspnspnspnspnspn**

YEAR 2010

Dean woke up in another motel room, ready to ignore his brother and pick a hunt. Seven months ago, Sam had started the apocalypse, and even if he decided to welcome him in his life because of the scary future that could happen, the elder hunter was not ready to trust his kid brother yet. Too much water had crossed through the broken bridge that was their relationship, and he was done pretending to be alright with him. For the last weeks, he had been ignoring him, and Sam hadn't argued about that, but welcomed the uncomfortable silence during the road trips or the long nights when Dean decided that he didn't want to get drunk . Dean had forgiven a lot of things in his life, but being ignored and hurt by his brother, that was the most important person in his life, was something that he couldn't let pass. Sam was all that he had, and all that he had was Sam. It had always been like that, until the famous "Ruby-chick" appeared in Sam's life, manipulating him to do what was meant to happen.

Maybe someday he was going to be relatively normal and nice with his brother, or so he hoped. If they could put Lucifer back into the cage again, and stop the killing of innocent people, he promised to himself that he would try to be brothers again. However, that was a big "If".

"I brought you breakfast", said Sam, closing the door of the room, with his clothes all wet because of the rain outside

"About time, I was hungry", replied Dean with cold voice, not really knowing that his brother had gone out at all, but no caring either.

The Winchesters had breakfast in silence, and when the younger brother was done, he opened his laptop and searched for a case to work.

"Hey, I think that we've got a case", said Sam

"Tell me about it", said Dean, not looking at him, but at his coffee. He didn't want to look at him, cause every time he did, felt anger and betray inside him, making him want to punch Sam right in the face.

"Okay. So, there's people falling into a unconscious state for no reason, and the doctors can't find what's producing that. They say that while you are in that state, your body deteriorates, and you die within two or three days", explained Sam

"Where?", asked Dean

"Elk River, Minnesota"

"Let's get going. It'll be a long drive", said Dean while picking up his stuff from the floor, and putting it inside his duffel bag

"Alright. I'll go in a minute. Got to take a leak and pack my stuff", said Sam, knowing that Dean wouldn't pack his stuff anymore. A lot of things had changed between them, and often he found himself wondering why Dean accepted him again. When they met again after five months of not seeing each other, his older brother didn't explain why he changed his mind, and Sam didn't ask why. By that time he hadn't cared, because he thought that things were going to be different, and the hope of a better life increased in vain.

Sam was not tempted by the demon blood anymore, because every time he saw that red substance, remembered how he had acted with the people that loved him, like Bobby or Dean, and even how low he had fallen. Sam had thought that he was strong, but the reality was that Dean's words now made sense to him. He had been weak and stupid. How could he had done that? Dean being gone was not an excuse to become dark, but at the time he thought that what he was doing was right. Ruby had played with his mind, and like a three-year-old child, he fell into her sick and evil plan. Now, the world was ending and people were dying every single day. The weight on his shoulders was getting heavier by the day, and being honest, he didn't know for how long he would be able to resist it. What if he would say "YES" to the Devil, and he had no choice in the matter at all? Sam tried to avoid the destiny that he had been so afraid of, but even walking through another path arrived to the same destination. He wanted to think that everything was written, so he could feel the relieve to know that he was been just another victim. It was not that easy, though. Dean should have killed him when he had the chance, because John had known that something like this was going to happen. John had loved them, but what he was told about his destiny must had been so bad by the time, that he decided that killing his own kid would be the best thing to do if Dean couldn't save him. Even if Dean would have lived with the guilt of killing him, he was sure that now he'd rather do that, than living with the stranger that he was now. He was not Sam Winchester anymore. He was an abomination.

"Sam! What's taking you so long? Hurry!", barked Dean pissed from the outside

"Sorry. I am going", said Sam while washing his hands and putting his stuff inside the duffel as fast as he could. His favorite plaid shirt, that he washed that very same day, was now going to be wrinkled, but that didn't matter anymore. It was not that anybody was going to look at that detail when the end of the world was coming…

Few hours later, Sam was awoken when Dean shook him without care, like a rag doll.

"Wake up princess. We've got work to do. I think that I can trust you to make some research, right? I am gonna talk to the neighbors. Maybe someone saw something or heard something weird"

"Yeah, I am sorry. I'm going to the library", said Sam rubbing his eyes

"You better. Now, get out of my car and walk towards it. It's not that far", said Dean playing with the steering wheel impatient

As soon as Sam closed the passenger door of the car, saw how Dean drove away faster than he liked to drive, but deep inside Sam knew the reason. His big brother was running from him like he was the most lethal decease that existed, which in one sense was true.

He had really wanted to obey his brother and go to the library, but on his way found a bar, and couldn't help but enter inside the place. It smelled like cigarettes and puke even at 07:45 PM, but that didn't stop him. Few people were there, with somebody by their side laughing loud, not knowing what was really going on out there. They were lucky to have a normal life, to be ignorant of what lived in the darkness. He had never had that life, but Stanford had been the closest to that, and he was not ashamed to say that he had been happier than ever with the love of his life. However, everything ended bloody, and Jessica ended up being another innocent victim that paid the consequences of being around him.

Sam ordered whiskey, and when he realized that he couldn't think straight, knew that he had drank more than the usual. He was seeing everything blurry, but when he could focus on his cell phone's screen, saw that it was 10:50 PM. The conscious part of his mind screamed at him, saying that he was going to have another unnecessary discussion with his brother, and he might end up with a black eye because of his stupid act. Those days, he was afraid of Dean, (really afraid). His tone of voice was cold when he talked to him, his eyes never met his, and his body was always tense when he was around him, but he couldn't go away again. If he walked away, Sam was sure that he was not going to see Dean ever again. The young hunter paid and left the bar, stumbling and falling onto his knees to vomit on his way home. For his "surprise", Dean was at the other side of the door, pissed and red.

"Where the hell have you been Sam? I've been calling you for hours!... Are you drunk?", He asked about the way Sam walked and tried to focus on his face.

"Dee… 'm s'rry", said Sam Dragging the words as he talked

"You're saying that word too many times! Don't you think that I want to be drunk too? You can't get wasted when we're working Sam! I freaking want to get drunk, just to be away from your stupid face! I wish I hadn't made that stupid deal to bring your life! If you were dead, any of this would not be happening right now!", said Dean, storming out of the room

"'m sorry Dean", whispered the younger hunter sobbing

Sam couldn't stand up anymore, but he managed to walk supporting the weight of his body by holding onto the cheap furniture of the place. Once he laid down in one of the beds, closed his eyes and let his body relax as the darkness welcomed him.

 _Meanwhile_ …

Dean walked through the dark and empty street trying to calm down before he'd go to the room that he shared with his brother again. He had said some things that he didn't mean to hurt his brother, not thinking straight about the possible consequences. He loved that kid, and would give his life for him in a second, there was no doubt of that. He hoped that Sam would not remember those words, because he was not ready to say, "I'm sorry" or "Forgive me", not even with actions.

"Excuse me, are you alright sir?", asked a red haired woman

"What?... Yeah, I am fine. I am just… tired", answered Dean being honest for the first time in a while

"I can make your wish come true", said the woman walking towards him, while he took a step backwards

"I don't know what are you talking about", said Dean reaching for his gun that was in his waistband

"You made a wish back there, and I am going to make it true. You'll have three days to get out, or you will die", said the woman smiling

She took a round pocket watch and pushed a button, making the clock work

 _TICK_

 _TOCK_

Dean felt how his limbs started to fail. He fell on his knees, and when he could finally take his gun, the elder Winchester aimed at her, ready to shoot her.

 _TICK_

 _TOCK_

 _His gun fell to the floor and he had to support his body on his hands and knees. He was falling asleep, and he knew what was happening with the case. When he talked to the families of the victims, all of them said that each one had had a problem in their lives, and they were not happy. He was not happy, so he made a stupid wish, and the woman standing in front of him, was a freaking monster that would make his "wish" come true. How did she find him in the first place? It seemed like the freaking town was cursed!_

 _TICK_

 _TOCK_

Dean let his muscles relax, and without meaning to, closed his eyes as his face met the pavement. The last thing that he heard was the woman saying "Have a good dream Dean Winchester"

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 _All that I'm after is a life full of laughter  
As long as I'm laughing with you  
And I think that all that still matters is love ever after  
After the life we've been through  
'Cause I know there's no life after you_

 _Last time we talked  
The night that I walked  
Burns like an iron in the back  
Of my mind  
I must have been high  
To say you and I weren't meant to be  
And just wasting my time  
Oh why did I ever doubt you  
You know I would die here without you_

 **Spnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspn**

 **AU UNIVERSE**

YEAR 2010

Dean Winchester woke up feeling the comfortable mattress underneath his body that incredibly, was not hurt or sore. Being honest, he had not felt like that in a long time, and it felt just awesome.

When he opened his eyes, saw that he was in another motel room, but with one bed only. Dean started to freak out, because Sam was nowhere to be seen, and something bad could have happened to him being all alone. He remembered moments later the unnecessary actions and some words that he had said to his brother before he left the room that both men were in, feeling how the guilt destroyed him. Why was Dean alone? He would never do that, not even after a big fight with his little brother! When he called Sam, listened to his younger brother's old voice mail, the one that he used on 2006 when they started hunting after their dad's death. Why would Sam have his old voice mail? His voice had gotten deeper, and there was no way that he had been able to talk like that again. He swore that kid was going to give him grey hairs someday! 

"Where the hell are you Sammy!", screamed the elder Winchester with worried voice

He tried to call him few more times, getting the same frustrating result. Dean was about to get out of the room and drive to find him, when an idea crossed his mind

"Bobby will probably know where Sam is! Why didn't I think about that before?", said out loud laughing nervously

Dean didn't have to wait for Bobby to answer, since he heard the old hunter's voice instantly. He frowned, trying to remember the last time that Bobby had answered a call before it would end. Since he was in a wheelchair, it was almost impossible to talk by a telephone with the old hunter

"Singer here. Who are you and why do you know my number?",

"Bobby, it's Dean"

"Dean! You haven't called in a long time! How are you doing idjit?", said Bobby with gentle voice

"I'm good. It's just that… I am worried about Sam. I had a fight with him, and now he is not answering his damn phone. I slept in another motel room, and it has a single bed! I don't even remember booking the damn room! Can you try to track Sammy's cellphone? I need to find him"

"Son, are you ok?", asked Bobby confused and worried about Dean. Why was he asking about Sam, when he knew that he had died four years ago in Cold Oak? Maybe he was just still drunk, like he had been since he had to bury Sam. He'd never forgotten the fact that he was the only Winchester alive though...

"Me? I am ok Bobby! It's Sammy the one that is probably hurt or even something worse than that!"

"Why don't you come here and I'll try to see where… Sam is?", asked Bobby feeling sadness just saying the name of the boy that had been a son to him.

"Alright, if you talk to him or know anything about him, give me a call urgently ok?", asked Dean with his "I am freaking out" voice

"Alright… I'll let you know", answered Bobby while opening the fridge and taking a cold needed beer

 **Few hours later…**

Dean parked the car in front of Bobby's house, still worried sick about his brother. He had driven for five hours, and the old man hadn't given him a single call to let him know that Sam was alright. He had to be fine, because if something had happened to him he'd never forgive himself. He was supposed to protect and be there for his kid brother. Lately, their relationship had been... Well, they had not had any relationship being honest. He and Sam could seem as strangers during the past few months, but he hadn't cared about that until now.

Sam hadn't been the only one that started the apocalypse, but even if he thought about that once or twice since the end of the world began, it was easier to let his brother take the blame for everything. Why this kind of things had to happen in order for him to understand what was important in his life?

"Son, here you are!", said Bobby walking towards him

Dean saw him surprised, because the old man was FREAKING WALKING!

"How… How are you walking Bobby? And the wheelchair?" , he asked amazed

"What are you talking about? I am not that old yet idjit!", said Bobby confused

"But you… What have you done? A deal to walk again? Don't mess with me! I know that you did something!"

"Dean, calm down. What's happening to you?"

"I don't know! Yesterday everything was… like I knew it, I guess. The apocalypse was ending the life more people, as usual and Sammy got drunk instead of researching. I got mad at him and I walked out of the room… That's all that I can remember", said Dean feeling a bad feeling about the whole situation

"Come inside my house and we'll talk, okay?", asked the old hunter, Placing his hand on the younger hunter's shoulder

"Okay…"

Few minutes later, Bobby had brought Dean a cold beer and got prepared to say what was going to destroy the kid, all over again…

"Son, listen to me. I don't know what is happening to you, but the fight with your brother and the apocalypse that you dreamt of was not… real"

"What do you mean?... I don't understand you", said Dean now scared. He knew that whatever Bobby was going to say to him wouldn't be good

"Do you remember… what happened in Cold Oak?"

"Yeah… How could I forget that? Sammy was killed by that kid. I'm glad that he killed Jake after I brought him back…"

"Jake was his name? How do you know it?... Listen to me Dean, Sam is not here and… you won't be able to reach him or track him"

"Why not? Can you just tell me what the hell is happening Bobby?"

"You couldn't bring Sam back when he was stabbed… You tried, and I almost punched you for that. We had to bury him, Dean. Sam's gone, and I am sorry to tell you everything like this, but we've been through this."

"What are you saying! Sam's not dead Bobby! I… I sold my soul for him, and I hugged him when I saw him standing there. You're wrong! I'd know if…"

Dean couldn't finish his sentence, because suddenly, he remembered everything that had happened, even the little details. The damn monster had attacked him!

 **Flashback…**

 _"…_ _I wish I hadn't made that stupid deal to bring you back! If you were dead, any of this would not be happening right now!"_

" _I can make your wish come true_ "

" _You made a wish back there, and I am going to make it true. You'll have three days to get out, or you will die_ "

 _TICK_

 _TOCK_

 _He let his muscles relax, and without meaning to, closed his eyes as his face met the pavement. The last thing that he heard was the woman saying "Have a good dream Dean Winchester"_

( **End of flashback)**

"No… How could I… This can't be happening...No…", said Dean, reviving the moment when Sam got stabbed, and he held his limp body against his.

"I'm sorry son", repeated Bobby rubbing the man's back trying to make him calm down

"Bobby… You ha-have…(sob) to know... I made a wish when i was angry... and THIS is happening (sob)… How could I? 'm sorry Sammy"

"You made a wish? What are you talking about son? Tell me about it…"

Dean told him what happened looking at the floor ashamed, and when he finished talking, saw the scared and confused eyes of his second fatherly figure.

"So, you're unconscious in the real life, and have to figure out to get out of this… alternative universe before you die in few days?. It sounds crazy… but I believe you. Winchesters… You always know how to get yourselves into trouble…", said Bobby already thinking about the creature that could have those kind of powers. One of his books had to had something, and if he couldn't find anything, he would have to call Rufus and ask that idjit for help

"Yes… She h-had a round pocket watch with a weird button… I don't know how it worked Bobby. I need to go back, please"

"You will son. I promise you that. We'll figure out how to get your ass out of the fire, okay? There has to be something in these books…", said Bobby while placing a tall pile of dusty books onto his desk.

"Sammy would have loved to help with the reading… He is a nerd", said Dean aloud without meaning to. He had the memories of his real life, however, when Bobby talked about what had happened in the alternative world… or whatever the thing was had some flashbacks of a life without Sam in it.

 _Flashback…._

 ** _YEAR 2006_**

 _May 4_ _th_

 _Dean put the shovel aside, while passing his dirty hand through his sweaty forehead. He had finished covering his brother's wooden coffin with soil all by himself. Bobby had offered him help, but he denied it, and as soon as he left him and Sam alone, took the dead weight of his brother's body in his arms, carrying him towards the Impala. Sam had been dead for two days, because after trying to bargain a deal to bring Sam back with some demons (without success), gave up and tried to assimilate that he had lost his brother for the rest of his damned life._

 _Dean kneeled in front of Sammy's grave, which could only be distinguished by the great wooden cross that he himself had made._

 _"_ _I'll never leave you alone Sammy. I promise you that… I'll think and fight for you every single day of my life, because I know that that is what you would have wanted"_

 _The elder hunter got up and gave the cross one last time. In it, he'd carved the initials "S.W", knowing that that way Sammy would never be a "nameless body". If someone saw the cross, they were going to know that the person that laid underground, had been loved and would always be remembered._

 _Once he was in the driver seat, he contained himself from looking at the empty passenger seat next to him. He didn't want anybody to sit in there. It had been and always would be Sammy's seat. Somehow, Dean knew that Sam was there with him. He still had the necklace that his little brother gave him many years ago, which was carrying his brother's love inside it._

 _"_ _See you in few days Sammy. I'll bring you the stupid girly flowers that you liked as a kid… the white freesias…", added with a smile on his face, the first one in days and silent tears sliding down his face, as he drove away._

 ** _FEW HOURS BEFORE…_**

 _Sammy's skin was cold and grayish and his lips were pale. Dean tried to think about the Sam he had known, but those memories were gone, and all that was left was Sam's corpse in the backseat of his beloved car._

 _"_ _I'm sorry Sammy. I…I tried to bring you back but the demons didn't accept my soul. I'm nothing, i am worthless … First dad, and now you… I should have known that the kid was carrying a knife. I shouldn't have let you go alone to buy that stupid pie! I f-failed you… and I am sorry for that… I love you little brother. I never said that before and now it is too late… (sob)...", said Dean while driving them to the place where Sammy would rest forever_

 _(End of flashback)_

 **Present time**

Bobby was reading the old dusty books in silence, while Dean was sitting in the couch few feet away from him. He called his name, but it seemed that he was too lost to listen to him. He kept reading, until he saw that Dean walking towards him with tears on his face, and a broken soul trying to make the words come out of his mouth

"Bobby… I need to see him… I need to see Sammy's grave"…

 **TO BE CONTINUED**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: HEY GUYS! I will leave this chapter right here, just because I am a little evil (ha ha). Thank you for the follows and reviews! If you like this chapter, please leave me a review to let me know. It'd help me a lot. See ya soon!** **J**

 **P.S: I was thinking that Jo or Ellen could appear as well… but I am not sure yet. If you want them to appear let me know**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 _Don't throw stones at me  
Don't tell anybody  
Trouble finds me  
All the noise of this  
Has made me lose my belief_

 _I'm going back to my roots  
Another day, another door  
Another high, another low  
Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom  
I'm going back to my roots_

 _Had to lose my way  
To know which road to take  
Trouble found me  
All I look forward  
Washed away by a wave_

 **SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

 **Meanwhile…**

Sam Winchester woke up feeling like his body had been through 12 rounds with a brick wall. Even though he had been a hunter since he turned 10, he never got used to the pain that some hunts could cause. For a moment, the pain blinded him from what had happened, but once he started to feel better while brushing his teeth and taking a bath, the memories hit him right in the face.

He had gotten drunk, and when he came back to the motel met a very pissed off Dean that said extremely hurtful words (that he deserved) to him before he left the room as fast as he could. Since he didn't remember nothing more than that, Sam supposed that he passed out without meaning to. Now, Dean was nowhere to be seen and he was getting worried. His duffel bag was still where he left it, and it was way too late for him to be in a bar. Sam was starving, but something inside him was screaming that Dean could be in real danger, and because of him. If he would have done what he was supposed to do, Dean wouldn't be out and possibly hurting at the moment

"Why do you always screw thing up Sam? You're so stupid!", though Sam while picking up his jacket, facing the cold morning that welcomed him outside the warm room.

The young hunter looked everywhere and called to his brother's cell phone without any answer but his voice mail. However, when he was about to freak out after being two hours looking for him or even asking people if they had seen him, his cell phone rang and without seeing twice who was calling, pressed the green button on its screen

"Dean? Where are you?"

"Hello Samuel. I am the doctor Richard Masters, and I am treating Dean Bailer. Since you're the only contact that appears to call in a case of emergency, we need to talk with you… If you could come to Danville Regional Medical Center we would be really grateful", said the doctor

" I'll be there in a couple of hours, Doctor. Thank you for calling me", said Sam ending the call right after

Few hours later, Sam found himself running to hospital's entrance. If his brother was in a hospital, it meant that he was screwed. A hurt but normal Dean would have come back to their room, even being angry with him. Both men hated hospitals and doctors, avoiding them if their injury was minor.

Sam asked to the receptionist where he could find his brother, and as soon as she gave him the information, he went to the second floor trying to catch a deep breath. When breathing had become so hard? Maybe he was having a panic attack, but it was not the time to think about his needs, because there was a bigger situation going on.

In front of Dean's room, there was a doctor, that seemed to recognize him.

"Hello. Are you a relative of Dean Bailer?"

"Yes, I am Sam… Samuel Bailer. I'm his brother. W-What happened to him doctor?" he asked worried

"I think that we should talk about your brother's condition in my office, Mister Bailer. Please, follow me"

The young hunter followed the doctor to the first floor and inside his fancy office. He sat in one of the chairs nervous, trying to avoid the thoughts of his brother being dead

"Mister Bailer, your brother was admitted few hours ago. He was found unconscious in the middle of the street, and the paramedics tried to wake him up without success. We are still running tests on the patient, but according to his symptoms, we think that the new virus Croatean has affected your brother"

"I-Is he going to wake up? What does the virus do?"

"Look, Mister Bailer. We have received six patients with the same symptoms this week. We are trying to fight it, but so far we haven't been able to defeat it. The patients who suffer from this disease caused by the virus, die within three days after the infection. First, the immune system gets weaker, then the vital organs start to fail, and for the last, the patient is not able to breath by itself. Four out of the six men and women who were admitted passed away already… I'm sorry to tell you this, but we are trying our best to eliminate the virus"

"I understand Doctor. Can… Can I see my brother please?", asked Sam still shocked by information he had received

"Sure, Mister Bailer. Your brother is in the room 301, second floor. The visiting hours is until 07:00 PM", said the doctor standing up and heading to treat another patient

Sam went to the second floor again and stood for few minutes in front of his brother's room. His brother had been attacked by the damn thing that both were trying to kill, and now he was dying. The guilt and desperation was driving him crazy, but he had to do one right thing for once in his pathetic life. He had to kill that monster. Sam took a deep breath, closed his eyes and opened the white door that separated him from the person that meant the entire world for him

Dean had an IV that was passing him fluid and medication, and his skin was as pale as the sheets that covered his limp body. Luckily, he was breathing on his own, which meant that he still had time to be saved.

"Dean… I'm sorry for causing you this… It should have been me the one to be here, not you. Everybody that is around me dies, and I am tired of living like that. I promise that I will find a way to save you, and then I will get out of the way forever. You'll be safer without me, we both know that… I have to go, but remember… I am going to get you out of this one, alright?", said Sam while taking his brother's limp hand in his.

The hunter ran where the impala was and drove towards the street where his brother was found. Maybe he could find a clue to star working on the case, before he'd do the usual research. He found nothing but a freesia on the floor, but when he looked better, next to it, was a black watch hand.

"What the hell?", asked Sam out loud

Sam looked for more evidence, but fifteen minutes later, took the items that he had found and placed them in the glove compartment. He didn't know what those things meant together, but he was sure that whatever attacked his brother, and the other victims had left that. It had to be a clue! Hoping that he could go faster drove straight to the library ignoring the sweatiness of his body, ready to put the damn monster an end…

 **Meanwhile…**

 **AU**

Dean let Bobby drive his beloved Impala, because he was not in a condition to do anything. He had had a panic attack inside the car, and the tears kept sliding down his face without control. The memories of the life he had never had were hunting him, and he couldn't feel anything but happiness to realize how lucky he had been to bring Sam back. In this world there was no apocalypse, and didn't know what had happened when the gates of hell opened. He hadn't been there to help close it, and neither had Bobby or Ellen…

 ** _FLASHBACK_** _…_

 _YEAR 2006_

 _2 WEEKS AFTER SAM'S DEATH_

 _Dean was sitting on Bobby's couch as he was drinking his fifth beer of the day. He did not do nothing but drink and when he remembered, take a bath. Bobby had tried to distract him with a hunt, or even investigate what had happened with the seven demons that he heard, had escaped from hell when the kid who killed Sam opened the gates. With Sam being dead, there was nothing that he could be interested in. If some son of a bitch came to Bobby's house he was going to fight for the old man, but when it came to save other people, he was done doing that. Sam had said once to him that he was going to stick with him and be his pain in the ass little brother forever, however, that changed._

 _Sam was dead, and he was lost and mad in a world that he wanted to escape from. He turned on the TV and listened to the lirycs of a song that he'd never liked before, however, now he felt that it had been written for Sammy and him. He couldn't help but start crying again, and a single man tear slid down his face, remembering everything that his brother and him had been through since they were little, about Sam's destiny or even John's death._

 _If Mary hadn't died, Sam and him could be living an apple pie life that they deserved. His father and brother had paid the price of the life they had lived, and he knew that he had to carry on with their legacy. He was tired of everything, but he had to do for them._

 _They were some unfinished business that needed to be attended, and the most important was pretty personal. He was going to kill the yellow-eyed demon and spit in its face once he'd be dead. He was going to carry his family's world on his shoulders, maybe hoping that someday they would all be together again in heaven up the road_

 ** _Some saw the sun.  
Some saw the smoke.  
Some heard the gun.  
Some bent the bow. _**

**_Some far away.  
Some search for gold.  
Some dragon to slay.  
Heaven, we hope._**

 ** _Is just up the road.  
Show me the way  
Cause I,  
I´m about to explode._**

 ** _Carry your world  
I'll carry your world  
Carry your world  
I'll carry your world.  
Carry your world  
And all your hurt. _**

_(End of flashback_ )

"Dean! Wake up!", said Bobby

"Mm…Yeah, I am awake… what's going on?", he asked while rubbing his eyes

"We're here", said Bobby

Dean followed the older hunter until he stopped, and saw the cross with the carved initials "S.W" on it. Right next to the cross, few freesias were resting, and they seemed new.

"Hey Sammy, I am here… I..."

Dean fell on his knees feeling a strong pain inside his head, which made him pass out. He was awaken by a very worried Bobby, shaking him gently. He felt weird, like he was forgetting things… forgetting things about HIS Sam, and even the memories of all the things that both had been through in the real life…

The alternative world was sucking his real memories, and that could mean only one thing. If he forgot everything he knew was real, he would become into the alternative Dean.

It took him a while to realize, but now he knew that He was dying slowly, and he had to something to get out…

He wanted his Sammy back!

"Dean! Answer me! Are you ok?"

"Bobby, something's wrong…", said Dean letting the darkness claim him again

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: HEY GUYS! FIRST OF ALL, THANK YOU FOR THE AWESOME REVIEWS AND FOLLOWS! I HEARD THE SONG "Atlas", by Coldplay AND I THOUGHT ABOUT SAM AND DEAN. I DON'T KNOW WHY. THE SONG CAME OUT ON THE YEAR 2013 OR SO, BUT BEAR WITH ME AND BELIEVE THAT THE SONG CAME OUT ON THE YEAR 2006. LOL**

 **ANYWAYS, I WILL LEAVE THIS CHAPTER HERE, AND IF YOU LIKE IT AND HAVE TIME, PLEASE REVIEW! SEE YA SOON** **J**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I'm right on the middle mark  
I'm just in the tier of everything that rides below the surface  
And I watch from a distance seventeen  
And I'm short of the others dreams of being golden and on top

We all are living in a dream,  
But life ain't what it seems  
Oh everything's a mess  
And all these sorrows I have seen  
They lead me to believe  
That everything's a mess

But now I am leaving  
All of us were only dreaming  
Everything is actually a mess

 **SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNPSNPSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

 **Real Universe**

Sam had been in the library's wooden chair for more hours that he had intended to. However, there was nothing that he could do but stay there hoping to somehow, find a way to help Dean. Every minute counted, and his desperation was increasing every time that he watched the hours fly by without mercy.

He lost himself in the books until his eyes could barely see and his mind could barely understand what the text said, but if he had to guess how much time he had been there taking his tired mind in consideration, could guess that he had been there for a four or five hours. After reading all the books that they had in the "mystic category" decided that he needed help in this case. He didn't want to need it, since he caused the trouble, so he was the one that was supposed to fix it. After losing so much time, knew that that was not possible anymore. He had no choice but to call the man who he trusted the most, and was his family even if he didn't share blood with him. Sam called Bobby, and waited patiently until the old man answered

"Singer here" said the old hunter

"Bobby, it's me… Sam"

"Look who's calling again! How are you son?"

"I… I need your help Bobby. It's about Dean…"

"What did that idjit do this time? You boys are always getting in troubles!", said Bobby now worried sick

Sam explained the current situation to Bobby, and just hearing his silent answer, knew that even the old man was not sure if this case would have a solution. There was not much hope to begin with, but like they say, "Hope never dies".

The hunter told him to go to his house and help him read his old and dusty books, but he desisted and told him to call him if he knew anything. If he went there, he would be too far from Dean, which was not an option now. Meanwhile Bobby would make his own research; he was going to attend to another library, hoping that this time he could get some needed answers to his many questions.

"We will do all that we can to save him son. Even if he's not conscious, he knows that we are going to do whatever it takes to save him", was the last thing that Bobby said before ending the call, making Sam feel a little bit better. When he finished the call, decided that once he saved… if he could save Dean, he was going to go away from him again. He was only bad news to the people around him, if he was honest with himself. He was going to keep fighting against Lucifer no matter what happened, but alone. Dean had been right when he said that they couldn't hunt or even be together in the same motel room. He had been too selfish to let his brother walk away from him. That man had been stupid, but the new Sam Winchester was ready to make the world a better place, for Dean, Bobby and all the innocent people that deserved to live in peace.

 **AU**

Dean opened his eyes, while hearing voices that belonged to some people that he knew. He listened carefully for a minute and identified the voices of Ash, Ellen and Jo. He had a vague memory of an explosion in the Roadhouse, carbonized bodies in the real life… But he couldn't remember if Ash or one of the Harvelle girls had been there when that happened. The reality of the situation hit him, and he sat on the couch that he had slept in for days, when Sam… the real Sam at least, had been in some kind of trouble that he couldn't deal alone by the time. The feeling of betrayal and anger when he thought about that fading memory was intense, but the feeling of fear and hope to make the right decision were present as well. Sammy would never betray him or hurt him on purpose. Maybe he had committed a mistake, and he had been just a little disappointed. They were brothers, and there was nothing that he wouldn't do to save Sam, even after having a fight or argument with him. It felt good to know that Sam thought the same way as him, even if both of them never spoke that to each other. They didn't need words to speak. Their bond reached beyond the normal siblings bond, and he was grateful for that.

"Son, you're awake", said Bobby with a half drank cold beer in his right hand

The old hunter must have seen the fear and confusion in his eyes, taking that as the moment to keep talking to him

"Dean, what's wrong? You don't look good. I would say that it looks like you saw a ghost, but…"

"Dean? You alright?" said Jo interrupting Bobby, walking towards Dean, sitting next to him

"Yeah… yeah. I am ok"

None of the, now, four people that were in the room seemed to believe him, which was not surprising at all. He didn't even believe his own lie.

"Dean, baby… You can trust me, you know that right?" said Jo kissing his cheek and passing her soft hand through his short brown hair

"Baby? You called me Baby?" asked the elder Winchester confused

"I think that I own that permission already, Dean Winchester. We've been together for three years"

 _Flashback…_

 _3 YEARS AGO…_

 _Dean entered inside the Roadhouse with a dislocated shoulder and a gash on his forehead that after applying pressure an hour ago let him see and drive away, after the werewolf hunt that he finished all alone. He didn't have a big concussion, so driving wouldn't be too much of a trouble. If he suspected something differently, he wouldn't be driving his beloved baby_

 _"_ _If Sam was here, he would be freaking out right now, asking me how many fingers I see", thought Dean to himself, feeling sadness. He thought about his little brother every day of his life, but after a year the feeling of agony that made him want to kill himself to see him again was starting to disappear little by little. He was getting used to his absence, as a psychologist would say. Maybe it was for the best, however he couldn't find that thought comforting, not even watching it from all the point of views. Pain was all that he had to remember that Sam had been real, and not a dream that he had, where he and his brother covered each other's backs every day, loving each other to death. That pain, even if it seemed stupid to say, was the reason that kept him alive all these time._

 _As soon as he saw Jo, smiled at her seeing her worried face while she instantly dropped everything she was holding, running to meet him._

 _"_ _Dean! What happened to you? Oh my God Dean! Let me stitch that gash right now before it is infected! Your shoulder is dislocated? Where have you gotten yourself into this time? Mom, Ash, come here both of you! I need help!"_

 _Dean smiled at her again with teary eyes. Sensing the protective voice of her was comforting... Somehow he found himself in the weird stage where she meant something else than a friend to him. Both had been seeing each other for few months now, and even Ellen said that they looked like a couple now. Bobby and Ellen approved their relationship, so the green light was on for him. Ellen as Jo's mother, and Bobby as Dean's fatherly figure were expecting that someday they would announce what was apparently obvious to everybody._

 _"_ _Look son, when your daddy died I saw you break apart like a broken glass… But when Sam died I saw how those glass pieces kept breaking until there was nothing else to see of them. Jo makes you happy, and I haven't seen you smile in a long time. I am not gonna tell what to do idjit, but believe me when I say that this could be the first step towards the life that Sam would have wanted you to live" said Bobby once to him making him accept that even if it hurt, Sam would have wanted to see him happy… Living the life that he had taken away from his little brother in the moment he said that he needed help to find their dad._

 _(End of flashback)_

"Dean, are you with me? Dean, please answer me kid", said Ellen worried kneeling in front of him

"I don't know, Ellen… Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore", said Dean letting the strong mask fall that he had kept for hours or even days

An hour passed, and everybody were doing the research to help him with his case. Jo was next to him, and in few occasions, she could not resist the urgency of hugging him or even kiss him. He responded to the show of affection, but the feeling of discomfort was evident for his girlfriend. He was not the Dean that she loved. He was still a lonely man that needed his space to feel secure, and a relationship was a dream that was too far. It was just a dream, like the one he was living now.

"Dean, come here", said Ash

"What? You find anything?", asked Dean while heading towards the man was

"I think so… So as far as you know, you were angry with your brother right? You made a wish out of anger or some kind of wish that you now regret…"

"Yeah"

"This lady, or whatever the hell that thing is, has attacked few towns in the past 28 years. It usually senses when somebody has a wish that is beyond the usual pathetic one, like 'I wish I had a donut right now'. She follows the person that wishes something, mostly out of anger, and puts the person to sleep. Within three days the person is dead due to bad functioning of the vital organs and other nasty stuff"", explained Ash

"Ash, you are not helping", said Dean still not believing that that was happening to him

"But there's a cure to reverse the spell that the she made on you and other victims. You need to communicate with Sam through his dreams, because he is the only one that will be able to help you. He needs a very rare dagger that only some powerful demons can get. Do you have a buddy that you can trust there?"

"Yes, I have. His name is Crowley and he owe us, so yeah. Just the dagger then?", asked Dean

"It has to be covered with your blood and Sam's blood as well. She usually leaves some objects behind that need to be burned once she's dead too. It is the easier part, I could say. Sam has to summon her and kill her with it. Oh, you know that in order to communicate with Sam you have to have a hair or something that belonged to him, right?"

"Yes, I know. This Dean… I mean… I kept a lock of his hair when he passed away. That will do the trick, right?"

"Damn right", said Ash smiling at him

"Let's do this", thought Dean while walking towards his duffel, ready to wake up and have a good talk with Sammy. He would make things right with him, and never let him go again.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you enjoy this fic, please leave a review to let me know.**

 **What do you think about Jo and Dean being together? I think that they could have been a great couple**

 **See ya soon** **J**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"We will find our truth someday. It might hurt, but it is the truth. We cannot deny it forever, and that is what men are afraid of the most."

 **SPNPSNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNPSNSPNSPN**

 **Real Universe**

Sam gave up after going to two more libraries that day. He could barely exist, and his legs felt like they were jelly. His body and mind were exhausted to the point that he could close his eyes for one second and fall asleep, but he could not let himself do that. He would not close his eyes until his brother was fine. He knew now that everything depended on Bobby and his dark but awesome books. Dean's fate was not on his hands anymore, and that didn't make him feel any better. Sam walked out of the third library like an extra of "The walking Dead", falling to the ground and staying like that for minutes, or even an hour not trying to get up.

Calling the old man was not a wise choice either, since Bobby needed peace and silence to concentrate on what he was doing.

"Hey man, if you're drunk or drugged go now. You are scaring people around here", said an 18 or 19 year old teenager with a very angry voice

Sam didn't say anything because he was right in one sense. He should be anywhere but there. He remembered saying kind of the same thing to a vey drunk guy while being in Stanford, almost getting into a fight for that. He remembered those days as the good old times, when he was "normal" and being away from his father and brother was his only real problem, besides the finals and sleepless nights sitting in the couch of his apartment with Jess by his side drinking coffee.

The hunter got up as fast as his body allowed him, holding onto things to avoid falling again.

 _"_ _You're a monster Sam, a monster"_

 _"_ _You are not my family. You never were Sam"_

 _"_ _I just pretended that we were brothers to make you feel happy, makingme unhappy. That is how you pay me? Drinking demon blood? You bastard"_

 _"_ _You killed me Sam. I died because of you, and you were not worth it. You were just a baby. Dean could have had another sibling, you know? John and I could have been happy…"_

 _"_ _Your existence sucked the life out of my life. You are monster Sam, a monster! You killed mom, dad, Jessica, everyone!"_

 _"_ _Maybe you're right. After all… How can you escape from what's inside you? You can't run forever and you know that"_

"MONSTER!"

 _"_ _FREAK!"_

 _"_ _MONSTER!"_

 _"_ _YOU ARE NOT STRONG SAM, YOU ARE PATHETIC. JUST A STUPID KID THAT DOES EVERYTHING WRONG. WHEN WILL YOU SEE IT, HUH?"_

Sam started to hear those voices inside his head again. Those fucking voices that he had heard when he was in the panic room detoxing from the demon blood that he had ingested, but not detoxing the demon blood that was flowing through his veins that was dark and evil.

Mary, Jess, John and many other innocent people had died because of his existence. He was so weak that could not kill himself. He was a whole new level of fail and disappointment.

He had blamed everyone, everything but him. First the life that he had as a hunter before going to Stanford, after that the blood, Ruby and now Lucifer. The truth was just in front of him, but yet he refused to see it until now.

"'m so sorry…" said in low voice, deciding that he would go to the hospital to see his brother once again, maybe calling Bobby from there if he didn't call in few hours.

 **AU**

Dean exhaled desperate tired of seeing the worried looks all around him. He had tried to get inside Sam's dreams, but his little brother would not sleep! At first he thought that it was something that he had done, but after the fourth try everybody agreed with the latest theory. Sam was probably exhausted, but was not freaking sleeping and it was his fault.

"Dean? He'll have to sleep sometime. Don't worry. You will reach him" said Ellen with a forced smile

"It keeps getting worse Ellen. It just keeps getting fucking worse. For moments I can not remember if Sam's really alive. I don't remember a lot of my life, my real life. What if I cannot wake up and Sam just… carries all the guilt and heavy weight of my death over his shoulders? There has to be another way! I have to do something or I'll go crazy!"

"There might be other way to talk with him if he doesn't go to sleep Dean", said Ash joining the conversation

"How? Honestly I don't see another way"

"Bobby told me that you mentioned someone that you know … an angel"

"Cass? He cannot save me Ash. I need Sammy to save me. He is the only one that I trust. He does not know that because I am stupid. I can't remember what I exactly said to him anymore!", said Dean throwing an empty beer bottle to the wall, seeing how Bobby just kept his mouth shut and swept the broken pieces without looking at him.

"If he can hear you, that for a fact I know angels can, you can tell him the message that you want Sam to know. If that doesn't work you're toasted man. I am sorry, but I have no other ideas", explained Ash sincerely

"That… might be a good plan Ash. You're a genius!"

"I know, right?", said Ash with a grin

Dean told everybody that he would drive around for quite a while, not wanting anybody to listen what he was going to say. For him praying was like begging, and Dean Winchester did not beg unless it was really necessary. He would have to this time. The elder Winchester just hoped that Castiel heard him, or if when he'd be in heaven was going to kick his feathery ass.

Dean just drove, knowing where he was heading. He just needed to be there, because it was the only place where he could feel "comfortable" in a weird way.

Bobby or Ellen would not approve that, but it didn't matter. He just needed to be driving his Impala, forcing his mind to keep the memories when he and his brother had been laughing or even crying. He had a vague memory of Sam crying in an apartment, telling him that killing someone, maybe a girl was the only choice that was left. He hated to see his little brother cry, but he had actually made him cry for the first time ever when he walked out that door before being attacked. He heard him sob, but didn't do anything as usual.

"I should slap myself. I should just die…" thought to himself.

Dean knew he was there when the wheel of his beloved car got stuck in the mud. He had driven too far, and before heading back to Bobby's place would have to fix that. For now he was going to leave the car right there.

It was dark and silent. The houses were even more destroyed than the last time he had been there, and he could smell something rotten. Probably a rat's body or a human.

With his cellphone illuminated the path until he saw what he was looking for. One trail of footsteps that had once belonged to his brother, stopping when the Jake stabbed him with the knife in his back.

He practically saw himself running towards him, screaming "NOOOO" while knowing that something bad was happening, but not expecting what had actually happened. He had never expected Sam to die. He could never imagine that, even having the life that both men had.

Dean avoided Sam's footsteps trail and knelt right where he held his little brother, preventing him from falling to the muddy soil.

"I am gonna make things right. It's my job… right? I am your pain in the ass big brother, and you know it. I miss you Sam. I want you back little brother", said with tears sliding down his cheeks

"Alright Cass, if you're out there I need you to hear me out... Drag you feathery ass here, because this is urgent" started to say, looking at the stars, feeling how somehow that seemed familiar and comforting to him.

TBC…

 **Author's note** **: Hello guys! I know that I didn't update this fic sooner, and I am sorry. Let me know what you think and I will be seeing you in the next chapter.**

 **I can't thank Y'all enough for all the support and love that I've received with this fic. I love all of you** **J**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 **I'm a lone rider.  
You better run for cover,  
winter's coming way too fast this year,  
How do I get out of here.**

 **I have more questions  
than before this all began.  
Taking my thoughts captive,  
but captivated by the thought of you and me.**

 **I'll take the long way home tonight,  
Hoping that one day I'll be alright,  
But for now, I'm moving on,  
Holding on to nothing but my next breath.**

 **SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

 **AU**

Dean walked nervously through the abandoned town waiting for his angel friend to appear. He had been waiting for now two whole minutes; however, time seemed to go slower than usual in this alternative universe.

"Come on Cass! I am dying already, don't make die from boredom" Dean yelled to the dark sky passing his hand through his short hair.

He almost gave up trying to save himself and started to walk towards his car when he heard the characteristic sound of "Cass has teleported here". Dean turned around, seeing how all of the sudden the pitch-dark sky turned into a sunny day. Even when the sun shining, Cold Oak was still a creepy and cold place.

"I heard your call. I came as soon as I could" said Castiel with neutral face.

"Finally! I need to talk to you right now. You have to help me or I'll die, literally this time"

"Why are you calling me from _here_? If I am not mistaken we are inside your mind right now"

"Good deduction, Sherlock. It's kind of a long story, ok? I-I need to ask you a favor. I need you to tell Sam something ASAP"

"I will help you Dean. Tell me what I should do"

Dean resumed what had happened to Cass and told him what Sam had to do to help him, seeing how confused the angel seemed. Doubts started to surge inside his mind, making him regret his decision. Maybe he had made a mistake calling Castiel. The angel barely understood how the world worked, and now he had to help him to end a supernatural creature that not a single hunter had heard about for many years.

"I will do it. I will find Sam Winchester, don't worry Dean" said Cass while turning around.

"Hey, Cass" yelled Dean, knowing that Sammy needed to know something that was as important as the message of how to end the bitch that was killing him.

"Yes, Dean?" asked the angel looking at him.

"Can you tell Sammy that this is not his fault?. Tell him that if something happens to me, he doesn't have to feel guilty. I know that he is trying his best right now"

"Alright" said the angel before banishing in the thin air.

Dean closed his eyes and tried to connect his mind with his body. They said that if you did that, you could hear what was surrounding you in the real life. He had to try at least. He had nothing to lose at that point, right?

The first sound that he heard felt as real as any sound that he could hear from where he was. The sound came heart monitor, he was sure of that. He had never been a big fan of hospitals, although had been there many times against his will.

Other sounds started to appear as he focused more into what was really surrounding him. The constant sound of people talking and people opening/closing doors was annoying, however one pair of footsteps called his attention. He knew them too well to ignore them.

"Hey Dean" whispered Sam heartbroken.

The echo of his voice was relieving, but sad and torturous at the same time. He said hi aloud, but Sam did not seem to listen to his voice . Dean had ignored Sam before and had not felt guilty about it until now. Now that he wanted to talk to his little brother, there was an invisible wall separated them.

"I was such a jerk. I should have talked to you Sammy" said Dean feeling guilty.

"I… I tried everything that I can to save you, but… I"

"I know Sammy. I know it. You don't owe me any kind of explanation. You of all people should not explain yourself" said aloud again, even knowing that it was in vain. Sam was seeing his empty body, his shell. Perhaps he did that because it felt comforting. It felt like being a little closer to the real world, where he could hug Sam and even ruffle his stupid long hair.

"I am going to keep trying. We still have two days more or less. I am not giving up on you. This is my fault, and I am sorry. I swear that I will get your ass out of the fire, like you did with me… You shouldn't have done it though. I am evil, a burden to you. I should have died, even you would agree with me on that" said Sam with shaky voice. He was about to fall apart, but there was nothing that Dean could do to comfort his brother.

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT SAM! YOU AND ME MAN, THAT'S ALL WE HAVE, ALL THAT WE HAVE EVER HAD! I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING, ALRIGHT? I WAS STUPID AND RECKLESS, I WAS FREAKING BLINDFOLDED! A life without you… I am no one without you, man. If I have to live without you… I would follow you wherever you would go in a minute" said Dean looking at the sky, imagining Sam's actual face.

"I am gonna fix this. If you can hear me, know that I will do whatever it takes to save you, to fix you. I know that this will sound weird, but I love you Dean… I really do"

"Me too little brother, me too" said Dean before falling on his knees to the muddy soil beneath him. A massive headache invaded him, making impossible to think or keep hearing what Sam started to say. He fell on his back and closed his eyes as black clouds made their way to cover up the sun in the clear sky. It started to rain, and his clother got completely soaked. Dean was cold, hungry and desperate.

"SAAAAAM" screamed before his body went limp and his head lolled to one side.

 **Few hours later…**

Dean opened his eyes, not aware that he had passed out. His senses were not telling him that something was really wrong anymore, and his legs felt weak. He didn't think that he could make it to the car that he owned, at least not right now. Where was he supposed to go anyways? Why was he in the middle of nowhere all alone? Was he sleepwalking again?

He could not remember why he was there after many years of trying to avoid the agonizing memory of the most important person in his life dying in that horrific place. A very familiar feeling of sadness hit him, remembering again that Sam was dead, Sam was not coming back. Dean went on his hands and knees just in time to empty his stomach off the burrito he had eaten few hours before. God, he felt like crap!

Minutes passed until his legs were able to hold the weight of his body and he actually made it out of Cold Oak. He was driving in any direction, looking for a motel to stay in, a motel with two beds this time. Some days he would stay in a motel room with one bed when he was running low on money, hardly sleeping at night, or whenever he was able to catch some Z's. He needed Sam's bed, sometimes sleeping in there to feel closer to him. He would ask to himself what Sam would do in a similar situation, or which hunt he could be working on. All those questions would not have an answer, because what was left of Sam was skin and bones buried underground. Sometimes it seemed that he had not existed at all, and it was only him having the most beautiful dream of his life, driving his baby with Sammy by his side.

He spotted one motel after two hours of driving, but when he entered and tucked himself into bed, a call interrupted him. He knew exactly who the person was even not seeing the screen of his cellphone.

Why was Bobby even calling him right now? Maybe he had a case, but he was not interested in helping people anymore these days. He could not even help himself if that counted as an excuse.

All that he wanted was to be left alone, to cry Sam in the silent room without being interrupted.

"Bobby, hey" said Dean while rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Where are you Dean? We have been waiting for you for 12 hours! We called you a thousand times, but you idjit would not answer!"

"What do you mean with that? I haven't talked to you in a long time" said Dean confused

Bobby noticed that Dean sounded different. He sounded like the Dean that he had become over the years after Sam's death. It couldn't be happening, not right now.

"Son, where are you? I will pick you up. Ellen, Jo and Ash want to see you"

"Don't feel like seeing anybody right now Bobby. Not in the mood" answered Dean

"Dean, please. I need to talk to you about Sa- something. I will drive you here"

"No, Bobby. I woke up in Cold Oak and… I don't know why! I don't know what is happening to me right now! My mind is a mess and I don't feel like seeing anybody, ok? Just… leave me alone"

Dean ended the call before Bobby could talk back, making the old hunter be worried sick about the boy he had raised as a son.

"What did he say, Bobby?" asked Jo nervous

"He… He had forgotten the fact that he does not belong here. I think that it's too late to do anything. Everything depends on the version of Sam that is alive right now. I tracked Dean, so we can go look for him in the morning" explained Bobby while walking through his office.

The silence filled the room as the four hunters stared at each other. Should they even go there? Their Dean was going to another rough time, and there was nothing that they could do, or say, to make him feel better.

"I will go alone in the morning, Bobby. He will listen to me" said Jo.

"Well, if you can make this idjit come here I will make you a statue. That boy ain't getting out of there easily" assured Bobby thoughtful.

"I know, but I still have to try. He is the man that I love after all" said Jo before heading towards the living room with a beer in her hand and a cupcake on the other hand. For now, she would watch TV and try to distract her mind from what was happening. She hated to see Dean like that, but if she had learned something after all those years, was that sometimes not even the woman that he loved could fill the empty soul of a man that lost his brother.

 _TBC…_

 **Author's note** **: Hey guys, sorry for the long time without an update. I am going through a rough time, dealing with anxiety and depression. It's not a walk through the park, but I am still standing. I am not really into writing right now, however I wanted to give you guys this chapter, so I don't forget this story. If you like it, please review, and send me some love if you can. I am in need of that lately.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 _"I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance."_

 _― Beryl Markham, West with the Night_

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNS`PNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Real world

Sam talked to his brother quietly, counting every rise and fall of his chest as his mouth expelled the unsaid words Dean could not hear. Seeing Dean getting worse was driving him crazy, and that was not a good sign. A desperate version of him could not think properly, consequensenly, he had to be able to do so if he wanted to think consciously. He had to stay focused in his only mission, the only one that would ever matter to him.

The younger Winchester promised to never get wasted again, like ever. Even if problems would get bigger and annoying than he expected, hitting him right where it hurt him. He had to learn how to deal with it, because he was not like Dean. his life was different, and so were the consequences of the art of copying his brother's way to deal with the kind of life they lived. He was a magnet of bad luck, so he had to manage himself before causing anymore damage, not only to the ones he loved, but to the world in general. Hadn't he screwed the world too much already?

Sam called Bobby again, but the old man was still hitting on the books to find out what was happening to Dean. He had nothing either. In less than two days, Dean would be dead if he was as useless as he was now.

Sam walked his way towards the motel room he and his brother booked while rubbing his eyes and biting his tongue. He made a pitt stop to buy some needed coffee, knowing that his body was slowly but surely falling apart as the hours passed. He was hungry, but felt sick at the same time. It seemed like he was dying along with his brother. He should at least feel half of what Dean was feeling. He deserved it.

The hunter figured that a bath would help him clear his numb body and mind, plus it was kinda needed becuse of the nasty smell coming from it. His body expelled a mix of sweatiness and desperation by now. He was taking his plaid shirt off when he felt the presence of someone behind him. At first he thought he was hallucinating because of the lack of sleep, however, the adrenaline in his body said something different.

"Hello, Sam" Said Castiel

The voice almost made Sam jump off of his own skin, turning around while shaping his hands into the form of fists, ready to fight whoever was against him.

"Castiel" said Sam quietly

"I am here because Dean commanded me to sent you a message" explained the angel, still using his poker face. Sam knew that the angel did not like him, specially after he began the apocalypse. Castiel had been Dean's guardian angel since the beginning, but he had never one. Lucifer had been the one that was meant for him. He could do anothing about it, so everytime he talked to Castiel, he looked down and tried to pretend that everything was alright.

"Dean what?- Did he wake up?" asked the younger hunter, suddenly opening his eyes.

" No, I am afraid that I can't make that possible. I am here to deliver a message that can, or will, better said, save his life. As far as i know, he has no much time left to live"

Sam did not respond, but nodded instead. The angel delivered him the message, and added the part that Dean included. Apparently, his elder brother was not mad at him. He had thought so with all his soul, but deep down, he knew that his truth was somehow was buried in there. It was matter of a fight, if he even had the chance to have it. He was the cause of all these deseases and deaths in the world.

"I will ask for the dagger, Castiel. Thank you" said Sam, almost in tears as the forgotten happiness rose inside him.

"I trust you, Samuel Winchester. Your brother is the sword of Michael, and he needs to be able to fight this war. He cannot die, and I am afraid I cannot revive because of your mistake" answered Cass, bitterly and looking directly at him.

Moments later, he vanished in the thin air, leaving him _alone_ all over again.

 **TBC...**

 **Author's note: Hey guys! Long time no see on this fic! Here'd another chapter.**

 **Please review to let me lnow if you want me to continue it :)**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 _All weighed on me. Storm break on me._

 _Oh brother, brother stay_

 _Lead me through your vains, oh covered in my pain_

 _Keep me in your way, all weighed on me_

 _Storm break on me, all weighed on me_

spnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspnspn

 **Trigger Warning: Mention of suicide attempt. Read carefully**

AU

Dean could hear the clock ticking away the seconds that passed by without mercy, leading him to a not wanted future without his little brother in it. He wanted to die, he wanted to be with him again.

His mind recreated the moments when he secretly tried to swallow sleeping pills or even tried shot himself, with shaky hands and his body covered in cold sweat. Whenever he tried to do that, his little brother's voice had sounded in his head, telling him to stop, to keep fighting on without him; telling him that that is what he wanted for him.

He would have wanted the very same thing if he was the one dead, but he was not the brother that Sam had known, no anymore. He was just a ghost of the man he had become. Just another human being wishing to die, regreting each breathe he was stealing from this world. He had had one job, and he had screwed it up. He had some memories that came here and there, drawing a little smile for a change.

 _Year 1995_

 _San Antonio, Tx._

 _It seemed like the world was falling apart outside the motel room, filling with rain noise the silent room where the Winchester boys were in. John had left them a few days ago, without any sort of warning, again._

 _Dean was used to take care of his little brother when his father was gone, and sometimes, when his father was with them as well. It was what he had to do, what John had taught him since he was four years old. John didn't really pay attention to Sam, he didn't award him whenever he passed his exams or did something not related to the family business. He was the one that encouraged him to keep studying , to have a safer life, if it was even possible._

 _Dean had even changed Sam's diapers once or twice, learning from the nannies John threw them to when they were younger. He was mad, tired and very frustrated of the life he was living. He just wanted to get out and play some videogames, like the other boys did, and Sammy asking questions about EVERYTHING was not making things any easier._

 _"Dee" said Sam, breaking the silence_

 _"What now, Sam?" asked the elder brother_

 _"I was thinking... If dad hunts monsters, they can get him... They can get us too! What if a monster gets me?" asked Sam with his puppy dog eyes focused on Dean._

 _"I won't let that happen. Neither will dad, Sam. I will always protect you, it's my job" answered Dean, now feeling worried about what was going on inside his brother's mind._

 _"When I am bigger, you will not have to worry about me anymore. I will protect myself, and you will be happy too"_

 _"What do you mean by that?" asked Dean, confused_

 _"You would rather go hunting with dad than staying with me, Dean. I know it... A few days ago I told dad I could take care of myself, but he told me that I am too little. When I am bigger, I want you to be happy, to go out and have fun without feeling guilty because you left me behind in a motel room. I will be ok"_

 _"That's not true, Sam. You will always be my pain in the ass little brother, doesn't matter how old you are. I will always look after you. Always, understood?" said Dean using his serious voice._

 _The silence came back to the motel room, as Sam fell asleep in one of the beds, and Dean switched channels, wishing for the future to go easy on his little brother._

...

At some point of his grieving, he had allowed himself to tell Jo about his feelings for her, perhaps thinking that if he did what Sammy wanted, he would fill that dark spot inside him. Truth is that the elephant in the room was still in there, and it was not coming out any time soon.

Dean got up slowly and searched for his father's journal, where he kept the pictures of his familly, his dead family. He stared at the picture of him holding baby Sam, the one picture he had rescued when he and Sam saved the family that lived in their old house. There was something he loved and hated about taking pictures. In the moment they were taken, everyone was having a good time, or wanted to keep the memory, not thinking about the moment when they would be gone, leaving a bitter remembrance that would hurt more than expected. John was dead because of him, Mary had died burning on the ceiling, and Sammy, being only twenty four years old, had been stabbed in the back, dying from blood loss.

Out of nowhere, an agonizing feeling of frustration and anger took over his body and mind, ending into bloody knuckles and a shattered bathroom mirror.

"I'm fine... I'mfineI'mfineI'mfineI'mfineI'mfineI'mfineI'mfine" said quietly with broken voice.

Two hours later, he heard someone knocking on the door. He thought about ignoring it, until he heard Jo's voice from the other side of it.

"Dean, I know you're there. Please, open the door" begged the younger hunter.

The elder Winchester did so, seeing Jo's scared face as a response when she saw the blood on his hands and the bags under his eyes.

"What happened to you? Let me help you, Dean. I am begging you, let me inside that mind of yours"

Dean sobbed without any intention of doing so, leaning his head over Jo's shoulder. It had been a long time since he had cried like that in front of her.

He could not fall that hard again. He would not support the unbearable level of pain that he had been in a few years back. It almost felt like reliving his brother's death all over again.

He was done. He was no longer trying to fight it anymore.

"Everything will be ok, Dean... Just come with me, alright? I know how to help you, believe me"

"You can't help me, Jo. No one can... Please, just go" said Dean, walking away from her.

"Dean..."

"I SAID GO, DAMMIT" yelled frustrated, wanting to hurt her, so she could leave him alone. He did not want her to see him like this. She deserved better someone than him. He was a mess, and ruining another life was not part of the plan.

The room went silent for a second, before he placed his hand on his chest. He could not breathe, and for some weird reason, he heard a man yelling at other people. Perhaps he was going crazy, but he could not pay attention to tha at the moment.

"He doesn't have a pulse. Starting CPR now!"

His senses were blocked, and his body was no longer strong enough to keep standing. Dean fell to the floor, limp as a dead man, while his chest hurt and his throat was on fire.

The last thing he saw was Sammy's face smiling at him, leading him to the light at the end of the dark tunnel.

 **Author's note** **: Sorry for the long time without an update y'all.**

 **I am having suicidal thoughts in daily bases and I cannot fight them like I would like to. Anyway, here's another chapter for you.**

 **Enjoy ¡, and please leave me a rerview to let me know if I should keep on writing it :)**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

" _In all those stories about people who sold their souls to the devil, I never quite understood why the devil was the bad guy, or why it was okay to screw him out of his soul. They got what they wanted: fame, money, love, whatever—though usually it turned out not to be what they really wanted or expected. Was that the devil's fault? I never thought so. Like John Wayne said, "Life's tough. It's even tougher when you're stupid."_ _  
_― _ **James Anderson**_ _,_ _ **The Never-Open Desert Diner**_

 **SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

 **Real world**

After Castiel left, Sam stared silently at the empty room, worried sick about his brother, yet determined to fix what he had caused. Once he finished taking the quick and needed bath that his tense muscles were screaming for, he got dressed, picked the car's keys and got ready to leave the motel. He knew where Crowley was, or at least knew the main place he liked to call his home. Looking up, he noticed that the sky above him was now cloudy, showing a mix of black, light pink and violet tones, preparing the helpless human beings for what would happen soon enough. The smell of rain filled his nostrils, making him feel some sort of weird but needed feeling of satisfaction.

Sam didn't remember the last time it had rained, or the last time he had stopped everything he was doing to allow himself enjoy the moment. At least since Dean had died, and he had to deal with the dangerous feelings of grieve and loneliness, only feeling better when Ruby was around. She had been the key to fill the emptiness within him, and now that feeling was back. Dean didn't want to know anything about him, but he had to save his ass from the fire before considering his next move.

Moments later, and maybe a little unexpectedly to his blurry mind, rain started to fall on his clothes, and his hair. Forcing himself to run towards the Impala, noticed the dirt on the hood of the car. The windows were dirty too, probably because Dean hadn't noticed it to clean it either. His big brother had been too busy dealing with him to pay attention to his baby.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to let you down too" Sam apologized quietly, carefully petting the car's hood. The rain would wash away most of the dirt though. If he were lucky, baby would be clean for Dean. He would be happy to see her again, since she was the only one that never let him down. John had let him down when he decided that hunting was more important than being with his sons, or when he left him on his own on October 29, 2005. Little did he know, a few nights later, his brother was going to show up and the life he knew would be over.

Jessica…Lucifer, or both of them maybe, were right. Jess had died when he met her. He knew that he didn't fit in Stanford, but he could never guess the fatal consequences of his selfish actions. Getting people killed seemed to be his best talent yet.

Turning the Impala's engine on, he directed the car towards the road ahead. Thunders could be heard in the silent and lonely road, as he tried to hide the feeling of exhaustion from his bones. Even thinking hurt like hell, but if he knew something characteristic about himself, was that his mind sometimes seemed to work separately. He was always thinking, reminding himself about his failures, his best memories, or even the chores he had piled over the days. He was begging for the pain to stop, mainly talking about the mental pain. Now he knew why depression could take a life. He had to earn the right to live, because without it, without a purpose, he was a dead man walking and breathing contaminated air.

The silence started to affect him, so he turned on the music, smiling bitterly when the Metallica cassette that his brother forgot on, started playing. This time, he could not fight the tears coming. He knew that the cause of all the problems somehow ended up on his shoulders. Apparently, he did not know how to difference the light from the darkness. He could not be good, no matter how hard he tried it. Invisible blood covered his body, and it would keep covering it. He had doubted the light that he was given since he was a little boy, that way, bending and giving himself up to the darkness within his blood.

Sam decided to stop the track of those thoughts, focusing on the road and the rain falling on the car's roof. With a shy smile, he remembered that Dean loved to sleep on his car when it rained, sometimes skipping the crappy motels, to sleep deeply relaxed and delighted on his beloved "girl". Sam never complained about Dean's guilty pleasures, even when he got too big and had to make his large body fit in the backseat of the Impala.

He still remembered some of the nights he slept on the car, giving Dean a pissed glance as his big brother teased him about being too big to sleep on the backseat anymore.

" _If you narrow the car's backseat, I am going to kick your ass, you hear me little brother?" said Dean with a smile on his face._

He missed those good old days. Eating on the road, stopping in the middle of nowhere, almost reaching for the night sky to see the stars, bonding again through the endless clues to find their father. He didn't know that he would want to relive those moments. He remember feeling lost, torn apart and exhausted over nothing. Jessica's death was still pretty recent, and the nightmares were awful. He would sell his soul if he were given the chance to change his destiny. He would save Dean from hell, kill Jacob if he had to, just to have his brother back.

Hours later and feeling even worse, he was received by one of Crowley's bodyguards. The vessel was a man that was taller and stronger than him.

He could bet that with a simple handshake, the man could break his fingers. Let alone a fist to his stomach or a hand pressing his throat.

The man guided him forcefully through the hallways, stopping his march when they were in front of a fancy wooden door. It had to be Crowley's office. He was a powerful man, and an office was the right place to make a deal.

He was not aware when the door was opened, so the demon pushed him forward, practically forcing him to rest the weight of his tired body on his knees in front of the petite figure of Crowley.

"Hello, Samuel. I was not expecting a visit from your part, but I am willing to talk to you anyway. You're lucky, I must say. If I were in a bad mood, I would have sent you to the basement and told my bodyguards to teach you a lesson. Next time, call or you'll feel the consequences of breaking into my house without asking for permission" threated the demon.

Sam did not reply, but stared at the him, surrendering under his power. Crowley was his only shot.

"Now, get up and let me offer you something to drink" said Crowley, turning around, walking its way towards a glass table with whisky. It seemed expensive, and untouched if he was not going crazy after staying awake for so many days.

He stood up and winced, thinking how he didn't notice the, now, excruciating pain coming from both knees and back.

"I-I need to ask you a favor, Crowley. I wouldn't be here if it weren't urgently necessary" said Sam, seeing Crowley's pleased smile before looking away, feeling pathetic, powerless and weak.

"I'm listening, Samuel" reassured the demon with a grin that was disturbing.

Sam explained Crowley what was happening to Dean, trying to hold the broken pieces of his heart and soul together. Talking aloud about it was not something he really wanted to do. It would be worth it, or so he wanted to believe to keep himself sane.

"I understand, Sam. The little detail that you're forgetting here is that I do not do things for free. Everything has a price, and the dagger that you're looking for is not easy to get" explained the demon

"I will do whatever you want. I promise you that. Just… please, help me save my brother and I will accept the terms of the deal" said Sam, practically begging. Why didn't he think about that twist before? He was too tired to function properly, forgetting the demon he was bargaining with.

Crowley stood up from his chair and walked towards the big window of the room, showing the big park that was part the house. It was a fancy home, probably stolen from one of his "clients". He could not have gotten it any other way.

"So this is the deal Samuel… I will bring the dagger to you, but you will have to clean some… people… off the map for me"

"What?" asked Sam, confused. If Crowley wanted to kill somebody, he could make his men do it. Why him?

"Let's just say that you have powers to send some demons to hell and make them suffer in the process… I've heard of it, and I am amused! Matthias, the man standing behind you, will handle you the… juice that you need to do so. While I'm gone, I want you to eliminate these demons" said Crowley, handing him a list with, at least ten or fifteen names on it.

"No… I can't-I can't drink that again! I'll do anything but that. Please, don't make me do this"

 _ **Don't wanna be a monster again. Don't wanna let Dean down again.**_

"I am sorry, Samuel. That's the price to pay if you want my help. According to what you told me, Dean is dying, so I would hurry up and decide what to do if I were in those shoes of yours" remarked Crowley.

Sam had no choice but to give in, even if the price to pay was to drink demon blood again. Bobby and Dean would be disappointed, however, he had let them down once. One more time drinking it would not make him a drug addict or a monster again, right? He had to agree.

"Okay. I'll do it" said Sam, looking down to the red rug laying on the clean floor. He was so screwed…

 _ **TBC…**_

 **Author's Note: Hey y'all! Sorry for the long time without updating this fic. I have been really busy lately…**

 **So, here's another chapter for you guys. Please, if you have a minute, leave me a review to let me know what you think about it, and if you want me to keep on writing this fic! We're not far from the end, so this will be really intense! Poor Sammy! Will he be able to save his brother in time?**

 **KW.-**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 _"There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater"_

 **SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

 **Real World**

Once Crowley was gone, the present demons around Sam's slumped figure held him by their arms, practically forcing him to walk through the long corridors of hell. The sound of tortured souls biting their tongues, resisting the torture for as long as they could, made him sweat. Some tortured ones would scream, begging for help, begging to be rescued. They shouted names, as if the people they loved would come to save them.

Every single thing reminded him of Dean, but in this particular occasion, it hit him harder than any punch or physicall wound he could ever recieved. Dean had been tortured in hell for forty years, being teared apart member by member, until he could take no more. He had been scared, and he could do nothing to save him, just like the family or friends of the tortured souls that would be forever suffering behind a locked metal door.

It had all been planned. Dean torturing souls, breaking the first seal. Him killing Lilith, breaking the last one. The rational part of him told him that it was not entirely his fault things had gone sideways, however, he could not allow to feel empathy to relieve the pain he had caused at the moment. Even if he hadn't caused the end of the world on his own, he had decided to give in to the demon blood in the first place. That was his biggest mistake. Trusting a demon had been the worst mistake he could ever commite. Maybe he had given in because they were related. He was a monster, just like them. It was something he decided not to see, walking blindfolded through life, thinking he could marry a girl and have a real home, a real wife.

Jess... Was Jess in hell? He'd never stopped to analyze that. Not even after she died. It was still painful to say her name, leave alone think about where her soul would be in for the rest of eternity. If she was in hell, he would save her, sending her to heaven. God, he'd been so stupid! His existence on this planet only brought pain and death to the ones he loved the most.

When he recieved a punch to the stomach, reallity came to him, finding himself chained from his waist and feet. He could not run away. He wouldn't, even if he was magically freed. Actually, this was a good time to realize that he had to stop running from his past. It would catch up to him, whether he were there or in China. Life was good at giving paybacks.

"About time! Now, you gonna do this on your own or we will have to make you?" asked one of the demons, holding a glass filled with blood.

Sam nodded quietly, holding the given glass in his shaky hands. The thought of drinking demon blood was making him feel sick. He could not deny he, deep down, enjoyed chugging on that toxic substance, but the memories of Dean's disappointed look was stronger.

"Come on, Winchester! I'm not gonna ask you twice!" yelled the same demon, hearing the other one laughing.

Sam brought the heavy glass to his lips, closed his eyes, and allowed the thick liquid into his mouth. He tried to swallow, convincing that it was just water or beer, anything but that. When he succeded, the taste invaded his senses, blocking everything else.

"You're a monster, Sam. You're a freaking vampire, and I am giving you a fair warning. I am done trying to save you, you hear me? Dad told me to kill you or save you. I see you one more time, and you know what will happen."

"Freak"

"It means you're a Monster"

"The Sam I knew is gone"

"Just when you thought you were out, they pull you back in, huh Sammy?"

" 'cause whatever we have in common, love, family, will be always used against us. We will have a better chance to end the apocalypse if we're apart. We are weaker when we are together, Sam"

"Goodbye, Sam"

Thoughts started to torment him, causing him to spit the blood that was on his mouth. He dropped the glass without meaning to, sensing how cold drops of it ended up in his hands and arms. The rest of it ended up on the floor.

What came next was unexpected, but he was too lost in his thoughts, and also chained, to defend himself. The demons started to beat him up, delivering hard kicks to his chest and stomach, laughing every time he screamed in pain. They held him by his hair, making him stand on his feet, just to punch his face without mercy, until he could no longer open his left eye and his mouth was filled, this time, with his own blood. Sam was pretty sure his nose was broken, and some ribs too. It was hard to breathe, even after minutes that the demons left him alone in the room, panting and exhausted, trying to hold back the tears sliding down his cheeks.

It was not long until the demons came back, dragging a chair and duct tape. He hissed in pain when one of them made him stand up again, forcing him to sit on it.

"You wanna know something, Sammy? There's a... doctor here. At least we call him that. Since you won't drink what you were given, we must move to plan B. This time, you won't have to swallow it. We will take, this problem... you, better said, in our hands" murmured the second demon to his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

Sam had an idea of what was coming to him, but he still struggled, unconsciously trying to break free from the chair. It was pretty much a natural reflex when he found himself in trouble. Naturally, those actions brought bad consequences. A particular fist making contact to one of his broken ribs made him scream, feeling more blood in his mouth. He could not tell if it was his own blood or not, but that didn't matter. After all, he was just like them.

When he felt a needle piercing his skin, he closed his eyes, wishing for unconsciousness to come for him. He didn't need to remember how the demon blood made him feel. It felt like being high, having the adrenaline to take the world on his shoulders. It felt so freaking intoxicating good, till it washed off his sistem, leaving him shaking and hallucinating in a panic room.

Sam opened his eyes, finding the demons standing there by his side, with evil wide smiles on their faces, satisfied with what they had done to him. Dropping his head to his chest, Sam breathed heavily, swallowed his fear and closed his eyes again. He was doing the right thing. There was no turning back now.

 **Author's Note** **: Hey guys! Here's another chapter for you all. Sorry for not updating in a long time. I have been really busy and dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. Depression took my inspiration away, but someone inspired me today to do it. Thank you, Brittkw, for making me remember that I can still write. This chapter is for you. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Btw, I have a great ending planned for this fiction! Two more chapters, and that's it! If you want me to continue, please review to let me know what you think. See you soon :)**


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